Another condition of the heart that will hinder prayer and will cause God to not hear is when a person seeks forgiveness while refusing to forgive another. Jesus taught, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15). Luke 17:3-4 has Him saying, “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” Peter had asked the Lord once, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times” (Matthew 18:21). Jesus replied, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times (Matt. 18:22).
This statement conditions forgiveness upon repentance, however. I have heard terrible, but popular advice was given to people verbally or in writing that we need to forgive so we can go on with our life. Implied is that holding on to a grudge or the bitterness of heart will cause us great pain and hold us in bondage. I would rather accept what the Scriptures teach than some indoctrinated well-intentioned counselor who is promoting a popular view of the day. This advice is rooted in self-concern and ignores the injustice done to another who continues on in unrepentant sin. The exact text from which this condition of repentance is applied contains the biblical advice in dealing with sin done against you. Now, just to clear the air and ensure that we are on the same page. Forgiveness is granted to one who has wronged another. This is not the same as feeling insulted or dealing with hurt feelings. Statements are made and actions are taken that are twisted out of context and misunderstood. People jump to conclusions and apply reasons for the behavior of others that are set in stone. If any sins is committed in these cases, it is not on the party being accused but on the accuser. In such cases, the accuser, who is thinking they were sinned against, need to grow up and quit insinuating the worst and expecting to be attacked at the drop of a hat. Granted, issues are involved that go much deeper than we have focused in this blog, but the problem is that we are dealing with clear and undeniable sin against us of which we are only aware. A response to just forgive has the appearance of being the more spiritually mature approach but it is a misapplication of the text and, while you may be able to release this burden of yours and go on with your life, you have left that brother or sister in their sin. The proper treatment for all sin is to acknowledge it, repent of it, and seek reconciliation. Read Matthew 18:15-20 carefully. It reads, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
Two things are noted, here. First, this action that may ultimately lead to the loss of fellowship and friendship in no implies a vengeful bitter heart. To suggest that choosing not to forgive means that we are bitter, vengeful, or wrathful is the Devil’s lie to get us to ignore sin in our spiritual family. It not only does damage to the brother in sin, but it sets a precedent for others to follow that not only sends a false message of true love but encourages the idea that they are spiritual giants for being so forgiving. Is God vengeful, hateful, or bitter when you or I refuse to repent? Paul tells Ephesus to “forgive each other even as God also in Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:32). God will not forgive without repentance. Still, as the parable of the prodigal son shows, He’s still longing, waiting, and hoping for our return. And, when that day happens, he extends great mercy and special attention in the sweet restoration of fellowship. The advice to restore that fellowship and pardon the offense without any consideration of repentance suggests that the only other alternative is a miserable life of bitterness and malice. These do not necessarily coexist. To have such an attitude places the offended in the same sinking boat as the offender. Both are in the bond of iniquity, but the offended is in the gall of bitterness (cf. Acts 8:23). To such a person, we say with Peter, “Repent and pray to God if perhaps the thought of your heart might be forgiven.” Jesus held no ill-will toward His crucifiers. No malice or hate was in his heart. And, while He desired and sought for their forgiveness by the Father, they both knew that forgiveness can only come to the repentant heart. Some of the same ones supported the decision for His crucifixion and possibly were joining in the cries, “Crucify Him, Crucify Him,” later were heard crying, “What must we do” (Acts 2:37). Peter told them, “Repent and be baptized for the remission of your sins” (Acts 2:38).
Second, sin is not taken seriously when we ignore it or treat it as no big deal. I hear, “But, Tim, we need to be like Christ and forgive whether they repent or not. Be the bigger person and release that burden so you won’t be bitter.” We have already addressed the latter statement, but this idea that Jesus forgave the unrepentant soul is inaccurate. First, Jesus asked the Father to forgive them. It is similar to Paul’s statement in Romans 10 that his “desire and prayer to God for Israel is that they might be saved” (Rom. 10:1). The thought that Jesus forgave without repentance is not taught. He never treated our sins lightly. Not only did he demand of us to “go and sin no more,” but He and His ambassadors heightened the awareness of Satan’s devices to capture our hearts and bind us with the shackles of sin. Consequently, brethren were involved in restoring one another in meek and humble attitudes (Gal. 6:1-5). These are not to be taken as personal attacks from members of the family. They are (or should be) one of the greatest displays of affection and love that we offer each other because it saves a soul from death and covers a multitude of sin (James 5:19). We are our brother’s keeper. We must hold each other accountable and watch each other’s back. This undertaking is quite natural when applied to the body of Christ. When applied to the function and work of local church members, however, it is often a miserable failure. The members of churches are composed of a multitude of arrogant, carnal minds who can’t accept a kind reminder or a bit of warm advice without feeling insulted, judged, or attacked.
Perhaps, the advice of forgiving without repentance is the consequence of applying these principles to a local church setting instead of the loving family of Christ. In that context, the application of truth is rarely successful without starting a war. It’s far more preferable to just keep quiet, ignore sin by admitting that none of us are free from it, hold no one accountable, and let everyone bear that burden on their own. If, however, we apply these principles as individual members of the body of Christ, the true application of these things will contribute to our victory over sin and ultimate crown for which we eagerly await.