There are more words for love than just one in the Greek language. This is pure love unattached to carnal definitions of lust or passion. The unique thing about brotherly love, which comes from the Greek present active indicative, phileo is that it describes the relationship between those who have a common family bond. Some friends build relationships on commonalities. Those are the things that strengthen the tie. But, brotherly love is not just a bond built around similar interests or viewpoints. It is rooted in the knowledge and grace of God that gathers them into one body or family. The love of a brother is based on our common faith and appreciation of the shared blood that causes us to exult in praise and devotion to our God. It isn’t based on enjoying the same card games, and sports or love for the shooting range.
Furthermore, we are especially thankful to have such ties with people who love God because of the rare experience. The vast majority in Paul’s day and our day refuse to allow Christ to reign within them. They will be their own bosses and choose the path that they have created for themselves. They may have some goodness in them. I have had friends who were morally upright but did not believe in God as father or Jesus, his Son. While I valued their friendship, it was not a show of brotherly love. This tie is so much stronger because its value is so much greater.
In practical applications, this tie that binds us will also move us to sacrifice ourselves for the good of our brothers, to spend and be spent, to relinquish any right to exercise a freedom if it might cause a stumbling block in their way. They are precious in the sight of the Lord and they are precious to us because they have been bought by precious blood.
Consequently, the faith of the gospel and the encouragement to live as lights in the world, holding forth the word of life is a common purpose that is our most fervent task in life. It defines our conversations, our prayers, and our daily tasks. We are always present to bear one another’s burdens, to remind us of the enemy and the dangers that lurk on every hand. Being in the same family, we hold each other up when discouraged, hold each other accountable, and can accept it from one another because of that blessed bond of love and affection. There is no relationship on earth that is matched in its fervency and devotion. However, to equate this description to the bonds of membership in a church does not compare. Because many have never experienced such a bond, the only experience they can offer is the one shared as members of a local church. These are not the same!
When Paul writes the brethren from Thessalonica, he commends them, “Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more, and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one (1 Thess. 4:9-12).
It is important to respect the private matters of our brothers and sisters. Being family does not mean that we have to have an invitation to come by the house, but it doesn’t mean that we knock on the door late at night for a visit, either. Other relationships in each home must be honored and encouraged to thrive without our interference. Also, a brother will not defraud another by flirting with another’s wife or defiling the marriage bed (Heb. 13:4) or disciplining another’s child.  In fact, the preceding verse 8 speaks of not defrauding a brother in the matter of controlling one’s body unto holiness.  No doubt, one of the causes of such sinful behaviors is the tendency to withdraw into our own homes for our own safety. However, please, do not confuse two fellow saints and all that is implied in that phrase with members of the church. There is a tremendous difference. To some parents, their criteria for their children’s dating is that they date and marry children of the same religious affiliation, but assume that such affiliation identifies them as being Christians. This has terrible consequences in the lives of the children, their children, and the parents who started the advice.
Brotherly love will cause us to be engaged in every effort to increase the faith of our brothers. We will defend them, protect them, gently warn them, or encourage them to not lose hope. We will sing to them and with them. We will pray, together and often. We will assist them in time of need and lift unbearable loads. To involve them in our lives and provide for them in these ways requires committing the necessary time, and being available when the needs arise. Such accommodation is accomplished most readily by sharing our dinner table with them or joining them in the field of labor.