We have probably heard or even said something to the effect that we need to forgive so we can “move on.” This is such a common but faulty teaching that I must, again, address it.
In the first place, the design of forgiveness is not to prevent the forgiver from being consumed with bitterness. Forgiveness is designed to remove the burden of sin and its consequences from the sinner. Forgiveness is a release for the benefit of the sinner.
Second, this emphasis on the benefit that forgiveness gives the forgiver is characteristic of a society that is self-driven and motivated to do what is in each one’s best interest. Psychologists have done the same thing by making their clients victims and sick.
The real problem is that a great many people have failed to understand the nature of sin or how to handle it. Sin is to be abhorred. We need to hate sin as much as does God. Yet, we are responsible to confess and repent of our own sins. Other than this, we are responsible to restore our brethren by holding them accountable when they confess their sins to us. It’s not time to make light of sin or attempt to make them feel better about themselves by comparing themselves to others. Once we have the proper attitude toward sin, we would never release another from the pain, remorse, or guilt they experience because of sin. We would be doing them a disservice by forgiving them for something for which they have not shown remorse or repentance.
A third problem is the error of thinking that one cannot overcome bitterness without forgiveness. It is assumed that if we do not forgive another, that we are bitter, resentful, or even vengeful. This is far from the truth. We can love even our enemies and pray for them. We can long for their repentance while showing kindness and patience. It’s selfish and cowardly to offer forgiveness without their repentance because we wish to feel better and live happier lives.