Matthew 18 and similar passages reveal that forgiveness in some contexts is connected to forgiving or release of a debt. Similarly, when one sins against another, the offending person is in debt to the offended. Ideally, both the offender and offended meet halfway to reach reconciliation (cf. Matthew 5, 18). But, the difference is that the offended is not confessing sin or asking for forgiveness. It’s the offender who is to do that. Regardless of who initiates the visit to discuss it, the offender is to either confess his sin or acknowledge it and seek forgiveness.
Letting bygones be bygones is not taught. In addition, just forgetting it and moving on when it is between brothers and sisters is never taught. Instead, forgiveness is conditioned on seeking it or asking for it. When repentance is the desire of the heart and forgiveness is sought, the primary violation of sin is satisfied. The idea of forgiveness having no conditions attached to it is not taught in the Scriptures. Now, please, understand the emphasis here. This is not condoning a bitter, hateful heart. Yet, withholding forgiveness for the benefit of the sinner to repent and holding them accountable does not require bitterness and holding grudges. We must always have a ready and willing spirit of forgiveness. Like the prodigal’s father who longed for the day of his son’s arrival, we must have the same desire.
The most common response that is being taught on this subject is to forgive for the benefit of the offended, not the offender. The thought is that we must have wider shoulders and forgive so we can move on.” But, where is the emphasis placed on that statement? Is it not selfish to think that forgiveness is for the benefit of the offended? What about the sin in the life of the other who has that debt over their heads without confession and repentance? Are we to just let them continue in the sin or not handle sin biblically? God always requires repentance and the humble acknowledgment of sin. We do our brothers and sisters a disservice to ignore it just to go on with our lives in order to prevent developing a heart of bitterness. Sounds like two problems: (1) No love for a brother or sister in sin and/or (2) no discipline and strength to be defrauded and mistreated without developing a bitter heart (the easy way). Holding out for another to repent is not to be equated with bitterness. Just the opposite — it is a show of love.