Let’s examine this model by applying two biggest decisions we can make in life. In this way, we can illustrate the way we make decisions, today. The first decision we make where God has given us some principles to guide us is in whom we marry. We will start by illustrating the use of God’s moral law and then lean on Scriptures that grant wise principles to direct us.
We should marry a child of God, i.e., a Christian who is living for Him. There is a big difference between a Christian and a believing church-goer. So, please, be clear about our words, here. Don’t marry someone from the same church. Marry someone who loves the Lord more than they love you and intends to serve Him as the top priority. 2 Corinthians 6:14 reads, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” Since marriage is not an option in that relationship, then dating or courting an unbeliever would not be a wise option, either. You can eliminate at least 80% of available options if you follow this principle.
Following this guideline does not define the one person that God has chosen for you to marry. If you are waiting for God to tell you, you will be waiting a lifetime and never know who to marry. The options are narrowly defined but there are still choices that you must make that can still be within the guidelines that God has given.
Another principle that defines moral guidelines in making that decision is to marry someone of the opposite sex. Same-sex marriage is prohibited (Matt. 19:4-6, 1 Cor. 6:9-10). The two who were made one flesh in Genesis 2 was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Verse 24 reads, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Here, is another principle that when applied limits your choice to members of the opposite sex.
Another principle is found in 1 Corinthians 7 and Matthew 19:9. The choice is limited to someone who has not been married in the past or has put away an unfaithful spouse for adultery. The problem with the later situation is having substantial evidence to support the claim. This is tough because such personal information may not be so apparent and by the time we feel comfortable to ask for such proof, we may have already invested much time and built strong confidence in the person that some objectivity may be lost. So, we have a survey to illustrate the decision of marriage and courtship. You are free to marry a single, qualified believer of the opposite sex.
Now, not only must we use God’s moral will in making this decision. We must also apply wisdom in our choice. Stay away from a contentious person (cf. Prov. 21:9). Some people create tension and strife in a home. Do not marry that person. There will be enough of that to handle without marrying one who habitually creates it. Associated with this would be anyone whose convictions, interests, or habits would quarrel with yours. If they mean enough to you to agitate you, then do not marry it (Prov. 20:3). Furthermore, do not marry strictly for beauty. One can quickly recognize the value of marrying someone who is attractive to you, but beauty is the measure of the whole package. The wise man speaks of a beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a swine’s snout. To have the ring means you have to put up with the pig. In fact, the ring will soon loose its value if it continues to be attached to the pig. Wisdom tells you to avoid the lazy person (Prov. 10:26), the foolish person (Prov. 14:7), the contentious person (Prov. 27:15), and the immoral person (Prov. 5). You do not want to marry a beautiful person whose heart you could not trust or who is obstinate and counters everything you say. By all means, keep your distance by providing no occasion for the flesh to fulfill its lusts. Once you do this, chemical triggers in the brain are at work and all objectivity is lost. Sexual purity and keeping oneself from fornication is a huge biblical principle that should be honored in choosing your spouse.
So, you can see that God has a lot to say that will guide you in your decisions. However, there is still a lot of freedom for you to decide and multiple options that define your preferences. Some criteria in this class of options can be so narrowly defined that we will never marry anyone. Perfection does not exist, especially after a few years of marriage. Just, be clear on what defines your class of options versus the moral and wise principles laid out in the previous paragraphs. Some will have such strict options on size, hair color, eyes, cooking ability, etc., but do not apply the moral and wise principles that define God’s will. But, as long as we stay without the boundaries of God’s will, you are free to marry whomever we wish. One quote that has been shared among some writers that I would like to add here is one given by Friesen and Maxson in their book, Decision Making and the Will of God (p. 293-294). It reads, “At the outset, Paul established an important principle: One’s decision about marriage is regulated by the moral will of God, but not determined by it… The choice of whether to marry or remain single lies within the area of freedom.”
Several statements made by Paul accentuates the freedom of choice. For example. 1 Corinthians 7:28 explains that if you marry (after Paul gives his advice), you have not sinned. He is only trying to spare them the trouble that will come during the “present distress” if they marry. In 7:36, he talks about a father giving his older daughter in marriage. If he decides that it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin, let them marry. 1 Corinthians 7:39 reads, “A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, SHE IS FREE TO BE MARRIED TO WHOM SHE WISHES, ONLY IN THE LORD.”
The model of decision-making is clearly demonstrated in this chapter of 1 Corinthians. But, in no Scripture does any inspired writer speak of waiting to receive a word from the Lord to get confirmation, to listen to the still small voice, or see the heavenly sign. Nothing about tuning into God’s frequency is found, and yet if there were a context most befitting to find anything like it, it would be in this chapter. Again, it is not found in any chapter of the Bible. If you are hearing another voice other than what you can read in the Scriptures, it is not from God. Most of it is the imagination of our own heart and creation of a set of rules of our own making that is not the way to test truthfulness or make a decision about any matter. God has revealed His will. All you need to do in making a good choice is follow it. As Jim Osman wrote in his book, God Doesn’t Whisper (pg. 254), “If a private personal word from God on a decision this important is not necessary, why is it necessary for any of a thousand lesser decisions?” Amen and Amen!